15 August 2016

down with week one

i haven't neglected this space. in fact i check it regularly. but i have had no time/nothing to post. but now i sort of do???? aside from my cargocollective and (impending creation of) squarespace, we've gotten made for us another online portfolio specifically for this course. meaning, whatever creative ideas/developments/projects/products we come up with goes there for an all-year-round examination by profs. quite interesting, coming from the science stream, to have this kind of continuous assessment. also, at least now profs can see where i'm going with my shit and know where to help me out without me struggling to tell them where i need the help in. i'll post a link when it's up and ready i.e. has some form of proper works in it because now it's just a wordpress welcome post and a shitpost we had to post to test the system out. simple stuff, but it bothers me so much, to NO END that i can't change the damn font of the posts fheorhrhoitrhoig

nonetheless, still excited for the year. sorta. the projects have started to come in (it's only been a week jeez) and i am one of 3 people with absolutely no - like, 0 - art background besides some stuff here and there. actually, i'm just excited to fill my portfolio HAHA shiet but the projects are 3chim5me (translation: they're so deep and philosophical that i can't even begin to comprehend anything...) so i'm hoping i don't crash and burn.

to this minute i wonder how i beat out a hundred(s? of) others to get into this course. what did they see in my submission that i don't. hmm.

catch you later.

p.s i actually got the ethernet connected to my macbook all by myself, like i got the correct wire and adapter and shit i'm so proud of myself but i have yet to do laundry in hall WHOOPS hall life is gr8 guys don't pass up that shite.

16 July 2016

just do eet

things never go the way i expect them to. ever. it's always the opposite, and i just keep telling myself "everything happens for a reason". but it's not easy when you're a control freak like me who cannot take not being able to determine possible outcomes. my friend told me "don't plan, just do" and i realised that's my problem. i overthink - overplan, in fact - then i end up doing something that gives the opposite result. same goes for my expectations.

because of this i'm scared for uni to start. i'm waking up with a heavy feeling (which i can only assume what anxiety feels like) and sometimes it's so bad i have sleeping/breathing issues. i can't handle not being able to know how i'm going to go through school. 

i also realised that i am literally perpetually in a tense state. and when i say "literally" i mean it. i can't remember what it was but i took some meds or was halfway to sleeping when i felt loose. like, a relaxed feeling. it was then that i realised wow, i'm always stressed. i perpetually feel a tightness in the part between my brows - the part that scrunches up when one frowns. when i relax, that tightness goes away. it's such a rare occurrence that it feels almost like a drug-induced coma than the loosening of my senses. i can really feel the difference instantly.

i'm not sad or being an emo-nemo, this kind of feelings is normal for people at this stage of life (i'm assuming) but i just needed to put it in words and tell myself to chill out and let what happens happens bc i can't control my own live completely right?

i PROMISE i will start posting proper arty stuff asap, bc that's what i want to have on this blog. til then,

all izz vell.
catch you later.

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